I saw a lovely little sentiment floating around the internet recently that said:
“Marry someone who makes you fall in love with God every single day.”
At first glance, that seems like a perfectly appropriate single Christian girl power sentiment to share on social media. But sorry (not sorry), I’m calling BS.
Do you know what makes me fall in love with God more every single day? Recognizing that my loving husband, smart, talented, and spiritually mature as he is… will continually disappoint me.
In my first year or two of marriage, I remember hitting a wall of frustration when I realized that my husband was not living up to the picture I had imagined for my marriage. I wanted him to connect with me on a regular basis, plan incredible romantic excursions, and ask me pointed questions. I started to feel like I was being gypped, like I deserved more. As I brooded over these things I realized I had real needs, and they were not being met.
As I dug deeper into that sense of unfairness, while I was certainly identifying areas he (we) could work on (and I needed to voice them), God gently reminded me of this. The guy I married? He is just a guy. Even though God proved He was at work in amazing ways in our dating relationship, that does not mean my marriage is always going to feel supernaturally easy. Marrying Nick was not a cure-all drug for my insecurities and need to be loved. There are some ways in which I can rightfully ask for more from my husband, but there are others that are just simply beyond him.
My best relationship advice for you is always be willing to examine and adjust your expectations.
If I am feeling a general lack of love in my life, the appropriate place to turn first is to my relationship with God. Expecting Nick to always be the one to build me up and tell me who I am is an unfair weight to place on his shoulders. Above all else, I need to walk in the identity and confidence that I am a child of God, and because of that, I am wholly loved, to the core of my being. Nothing anyone else can say or do will ever add to or subtract from that – not even my husband.
What I would say to you is: If you want to fall in love with God every day, praise him for the weaknesses in your marriage because in them, you get to experience more of Christ. Marry someone who is an imperfect human, who screws up a lot, in order that you might extend the grace of God to each other all the more. In the midst of your brokenness and flaws, you will experience His love continually.