How I Accidentally Ended Up A “Pastor’s Wife”

Originally published Jan 8, 2013

Lenzis Xmas 2012

God absolutely has a sense of humor. Have you heard that saying, “Want to make God laugh? Tell him about your plans?” Well, He has got to be belly-laughing right now. Not in a “Ha Ha! I told you so!” way, but in a loving, fatherly, shaking his head at the sometimes-smallness of my life’s vision kind of way.

This year has been a year of shifting dynamics and big, unexpected changes for the Lenzis, and the last month has not disappointed to carry on this theme. After three years of volunteer work with Hoboken Grace Community Church, Nick was recently offered a full time position to come on staff as Dinner Groups and Finance Director. We are excited about this opportunity and to see where God takes us with it, but I have to tell you, I also find it kind of hilarious.

Now, you have to understand why this is so funny to me. I grew up with a grandfather who was a preacher. When I was in eighth grade, my dad was called also into full-time pastoral ministry. I attended Bible college for my first two years of college, where I (not-so-secretly) hoped I would find a nice Christian youth ministry major who played guitar to settle down with. Some of the most important male figures in my life were in church ministry, so naturally my heart gravitated towards the idea. It was most of what I knew. But then I married Nick, a finance guy. I thought that we would “just” be happily volunteering lay people, working regular Monday through Friday jobs. Boy was I wrong!

In early 2008, as Nick moved to the New York City area to begin his finance career with a a well-known investment bank, I was one of his cheerleaders, encouraging him to find a church and was excited to hear about him starting to get involved in “The Church @ Hoboken,” a local church plant that was just getting up and running. Soon he got involved in one of the church’s dinner (i.e. small) groups, and being surrounded by wise men mature in their faith, Nick began to grow. As his friend, I was excited for him, but never thought this choice would have a direct effect on me.

But then, in a whirlwind of events, we started dating in the summer of 2008. I wouldn’t officially be Nick’s girlfriend after months of dating in large part because I didn’t think he had the spiritual leadership ability at the time. I had been following Jesus longer. I was a pastor’s kid. I held the guys I dated to a really (sometimes ridiculously) high standard. I could see that Nick had spiritual momentum – he was growing and headed in the right direction, but I didn’t think he could cut it as a boyfriend in leading us both in closer relationship with God.

As Nick and I made the awkward shift from a dating couple back to being friends, over the next year God used that time and space to break us both – to show us our true hearts and desires. When Nick came to visit me in Knoxville in the fall of 2009, everything changed. He was a different person. He had become the kind of person I had been praying to spend my life with. I was blindsided. And smitten. And the rest is history (still in the making).

Listen to Nick’s story in his own words here. (Click “playlist” and choose the third one down)

This year I am really excited for Nick and what possibilities it holds, but I have to admit this new season is somewhat daunting as well. I’m not some fresh-faced, naive pastor’s wife. I am a somewhat jaded pastor’s kid, raised with best friends who had parents in full-time ministry, and then I got to witness the beauty and the heartache of being a pastor’s family myself. Many of deepest wounds (and greatest joys) come from that experience. It’s hard to picture the future and wonder if my future family will experience the same heartache. Will it be worth it?

However, I can’t deny that after two years of living in Hoboken and almost two years of marriage, it has become clear that the intentional work God was doing in my heart towards this city this year was absolutely preparation for what He is doing next. Sometimes it has tempting to think, GOD, I worked so hard to get to where we are this year! Can’t I just keep my nice, comfortable life I fought for so hard? But that’s not the gospel. Not in the least. The gospel is uncomfortable. God requires sacrifice. He requires moving outside your comfort zone. He requires saying “yes!”

A life well lived is one that trusts our Father, knowing His plans are to prosper us and not to harm us (Jer. 29:11-13) and that He is able to do more than all we ask or imagine (Eph. 3:20). Saying “yes!” to Nick’s proposal back in 2010 meant I was saying “yes!” to New York City and “yes!” to Hoboken – “Yes!” to a life poured out in whatever way He asked of me. Thus far, it has been hard but it has been worth it. The only option I have is to say “yes!,” continually surrendering my doubts and fears, knowing full well that I can trust God with whatever he has next up his sleeve.

What are you facing this year that might be simultaneously terrifying and exhilarating all at once?

14 thoughts on “How I Accidentally Ended Up A “Pastor’s Wife”

  1. I can relate to you. I never in a million years thought the shy, handsome Marine I married would be called by God to preach His Word. Being a PW is a wonderful adventure and God has prepared you for such a time as this!!!

  2. Erika, I am so excited for you and Nick. What an awesome opportunity for both of you! As you know, taking the leap of faith into grad school is extremely exciting (and terrifying) for me. I have to keep moving and trusting and living in grace and huge steps in faith.

  3. Erika, Your story made me cry. I am so happy and excited for both of you. My God too has a sense of humor. Some day I would love to share my journey with you. Nick knows much of it. My favorite prayer is , “Please God give me knowledge of your will for me and the power to carry it out. You lead, I will follow.” Some of the paths have been rocky but the rewards are immeasureable! I have been so blessed and received gifts far more than I certainly deserved. I found my God in a church basement but he is the same loving and forgiving God that my mother found in the sanctuary.
    I love you and Nick more than you know!
    Blessings!
    Aunt Kathie

    1. Aunt Kathie, thanks for sharing that! I am so glad our story touched you. I would really love to hear your story too sometime. It is incredible to hear how our God draws people to himself. He is a better orchestrater of my life than I ever could be on my own!

    1. Thanks Gent! I know, after all those years of dreaming and wondering what the future would look like… never would have guessed this, but I love it 🙂

  4. As jaded as I am about growing up as a PK, I feel nothing but joy and hope for you and Nick as you begin this new exciting journey. I have full faith that you will face the challenge of heartache will all the grace and love that our family thankfully had, and that you’ll only grow through it. I cannot imagine you being the woman, or I the man I am today without those experiences! I love you sister!

    1. Brudder, this makes me smile. I am glad you feel that way for us! It’s true – we have been entirely shaped by our PK/PGK childhood and I’m so thankful that the church body we were a part of truly was a family, much in the way Hoboken Grace is too. I know many PKs didn’t have the kind of overall good experience we did, where truth was balanced with love.

  5. Oh, you spoke to my heart today. I am a pastor’s kid and the pain of it lingers with me still, over a decade later. Looking for the beauty….. may God bless you as you follow HIS path.

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